How can I be in such a rut when everything is going so well? It’s more of a mental health kind of rut… mental and physical, I suppose. I eat well. I read a lot. I write plenty of reports. I love and am loved. But I think I need to kickstart a workout regimen again. I need the blood and electricity to flow a little more smoothly.
I hate the impossible lateness in the evening… the one that falls between the time at which you should have gone to sleep and the time at which you actually do. I call it impossible because it feels endless–the wakefulness, I mean. Why, brain, why don’t you just give it a rest? I
reluctantly avoid coffee after 5pm. Half of my homework and readings are dull and tedious (dare I say, mind numbing). What keeps me awake?
It’s this BRIGHT FUCKING computer screen. It has to be. It’s this MacBook Air with Big Bro peering at me from behind that goddam camera and that horrible German Shepherd puppy wallpaper tormenting me from my Desktop. All of the access to all of the things keeps me firing impulses until kingdom come. I’m not even sure I know what “tired” feels like anymore – I know EXHAUSTED and FATIGUED, from lack of sleep. I think I eventually fall asleep purely because I have class in the morning.
Just read over my About tab for the first time since I don’t remember posting it. #grammarcheck
Ha. Hahaha. I must be the only one who cracks myself up. If I don’t, WHO WILL?!
I was right when I predicted that graduate school would consume my being; I was right because I am quite literally being trained for THE REST OF MY LIFE, for my CAREER, and essentially, my LIVELIHOOD, until I reach the ripe, brown-spotted age of retirement. I took a break from health care training for the past day or two (time just melds together now). I spent quality time with my boyfriend, learned that my mother thinks I will marry my boyfriend, and got a professional-ass “curly expert” haircut for the small sum of $0. Productive set of off-days, I’d say. My hair is certainly killin’ it, but I’m sure this evening glory will wilt once I wake to face the school day.
In other and contradicting news, I really want to take care of something small and cuddly. You’re right, if you’re questioning my ability to mother something at this point in time. I probably DON’T have the time and definitely not the money to sustain life right now. But it doesn’t change the fact that I regret leaving this lovebug so many months ago…