phases & changes

Smoothly crossing through the threshold of the next Phase is quite a crazy thing. It’s like a significant birthday. At 11:59, you’re still 20… a mere 60 seconds later, you can officially do whatever the fuck you want. It doesn’t feel any different; you simply acknowledge the fact that something big has happened. 

You are now, somehow, different.

So, like birthdays, entering the next Phase of your life — whether it be social, mental, physical, emotional, intellectual, professional, nutritional, geographical — is kind of difficult to isolate and introspect upon. Of course, a geographical upheaval is always a bit more obviously disturbing than the gradual spiral of intellectual growth. 

All of the daily alterations interact and mesh and reject and fight and we react to these happenings. One moment later, we are slightly different. Two months later, we are quite different… but the changes feel just as rote as that 21st birthday.

We come to expect our changes, but we never really examine them in terms of phases. To this day, with neuroscience and all, I still love Erik Erikson’s psychosocial development theory. These are battles we must fight and win to achieve generativity and ego integrity at the end. 

Our phases are governed by what crises we resolve. So what have I resolved? A lot.

So many things that bear weight in your youth dissipate into those dusty, cobwebbed sulci of your brain. So many people pass in and out of sight, so many emotions and topics become unfamiliar as you embrace the next Phase. Maturity, yes, we can call it that. But also throw in a dash of Experience and a sprinkle of Wisdom.

Here I am, two months away from beginning my Masters degree, 2 years away from 2 an SLP… 2 years from moving out, 2 years away from standing on my own two feet so others can depend on me, as a therapist.

I am 23 years in the making. I’m a 19 year product of the NY education system, and I’ve had a BA for one year. I’m one month away from my only vacation until the end of my Masters. I’ve been an older sister for 20 years and in love for almost 2. 

I’ve been sure of myself for almost 10 years, and sure of this certainty for 3 ;). I’ve always known what I want and need, but those requirements change freely as circumstances change. I am mutable and I can adapt to almost anything. I know I am my own priority.

I am aware that my life endures changes with every moment, and I am the master of each resulting Phase! 

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phases & changes

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