prompt me, anxiety

Write about your strongest memory of heart-pounding belly-twisting nervousness: what caused the adrenaline? Was it justified? How did you respond?

I had a lot more youthful angst and pent-up sexual energy, which I feel were converted into intense global anxiety and fear… rendering my teenage years as interesting, to say the least. I had the mind of a worrisome adult, weary of consequences, but the motivation and emotional capacity of a puppy falling down a flight of icy steps. I didn’t like trying things more than once, particularly if I had already met the worst outcome the first time. 

That being said, the atmosphere I breathed pulsed with nervous energy. The clouds around my teenagery head were wired with all sorts of fears of failure, fears of judgment, fears of missing a beat. So, “belly-twisting nervousness?” Try every night and morning before an exam; every moment I stepped alongside a handsome boy; every time I had to answer a chemistry question; every time my clothes looked awkward. Whatever minimal food made it to my stomach experienced the lovely field of butterflies, whirlpooling through the hydrochloric acid of my gut until I finally passed out from pure exhaustion. 

Justified nervousness? I think I’d prefer to think of it as intangible growing pains.

prompt me, anxiety

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